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Thursday, July 24, 2014

Durga



“Durga did not open her eyes again.”

I let out a scream.

Stunned, I read it again. Again and again. I felt numb- as numb as Durga must have felt when she was thrashed by Shejbou for stealing the golden jar.

“Durga could not die; she could not, she could not!” I said to myself over and over. Just as Durga had said to herself, “I’m not going to have fever; I’m not, I’m not!”

Durga. The sweet- little, wide- eyed, dry- haired Durga.

How could she leave me like that? I loved her! She had so much left to see and experience. She could have grown up to be a strong, healthy woman. She could have gone to Benaras with her family. She could have fallen in love, maybe with a boy from her village, Nishchindipur itself. Then she would never have to leave all that was so dear to her- the apple of her eye, Opu; the village, and every stick and stone in it; the path leading down to the river; the mangosteen tree; the bamboo grove behind the house. How she waited for Shorbojoya to get busy with her chores so she could sneak out on her adventures! She loved to collect things for her doll box. That was the only treasure she had in the whole wide world- her doll, bits of tin foil, pieces of printed cloth, cowries, her alta, and her mirror.

Durga. The sweet- little, wide- eyed, dry- haired Durga.

How she loved Opu! She thought it was a kitten mewing when the little Khoka came howling into the world. She fought with him; hit him; complained about him to their mother. But she loved him, with a love that was pure and innocent. She could do anything for her little brother. She stood up for him when Shotu stole the makal fruit that was so dear to Opu. She sang to him when he was scared of the lightning and thunder. She gave him her share of two pice so he could buy lichies in the Chorok festival fair. She cooked for him and Bini their first ever picnic- rice and fried eggplants. She yearned for Opu to see the wonderful things that she got a chance to see through the old Muslim’s crystal tube.

But.

“From time to time the hand of eternity breaks through the blue veil of the heavens and beckons to a child, and the little one, no longer willing to wait, tears itself away from the breast of Mother Earth and is lost forever down a road that knows no returning.”

Durga. The sweet- little, wide- eyed, dry- haired Durga.

How she had adored Indir Auntie! She loved singing with the old lady- “O Lolita and Chompo, I’ve a song to sing-o. Radha’s thief wore his hair... in a ring-o!” She was the only one who had truly loved Indir Thakrun. And perhaps the only one who had shed a tear when old Indir passed away. And Gokul’s wife? Durga loved her too. She was the only one who had lent a kind ear and shoulder to Gokul’s wife. Durga was such a beautiful child; giving all her love and asking for very little in return; living life with a zest and wonder only a girl like her could possess. Her love for nature and her knack of finding the most precious things in the woods were unsurpassed. So what if she stole mangoes from Shejbou’s yard? So what if is she stole the golden jar? She was a child like any other; yearning to see, eat, and play with things that her life of abject poverty could not give her.

Durga. The sweet- little, wide- eyed, dry- haired Durga.

How she was dismissed by Shorbojoya and ignored by Horihor! They only had eyes for Opu. Durga was their first child, but Opu deserved more love and care. Did Shorbojoya love Durga? She did cry her heart out when Durga left us. She did pray for the safety of her children when the storm lashed at them like a demon. Why then, more often than not, she had only such words for Durga? “Oh, so you’ve come at last, have you?... everybody else’s daughter, I say, is making candles and getting ready for the festival. But not you! You go round the place like a vagabond... What a girl you are!” Why did she throw Durga’s doll box, a box she knew meant the world to her child? How I wish Shorbojoya and Horihor had loved and cherished Durga to bits! How I wish Horihor had worried for her as much as he did for Opu! Where was Horihor, the impractical Brahmin forever looking for priestly work when none came by, when his daughter was dying, day by day, of hunger and disease?

Durga. The sweet- little, wide- eyed, dry- haired Durga.

Opu knew what I am talking about! He did admit, if only to himself, “...no one else had really loved Durga, no one, not even his mother. No one else was sorry that she was left behind.”

As I sit writing this, I can imagine Durga’s pale face on her deathbed, “Opu, when I get better will you take me to see a train?” I can feel her presence. I can hear her laughing and singing. I can see her tidying her beloved doll box. I can see her running along the path looking for fruits, trees, birds. And I can feel her sit next to me and cajole me to stop crying. “I will always remember and love you, Durga”, I tell her.
Durga. My sweet- little, wide- eyed, dry- haired Durga.


(The italicized sentences have been quoted from the book, Pather Panchali by Bibhutibhushan Bandopadhyay, translated into English by T. W. Clark and Tarapada Mukherji.)